It is absolutely no secret how much I dislike rollercoasters! My husband, as wonderful as he is, planned HIS perfect honeymoon-LA to see the Price is Right (Bob was still on which was really fun!), a myriad of other adventures, including Magic Mountain! I played the dutiful new wife, and gave every ride a try...I was never more thankful than when that day ended...until now. We are on a rollercoaster and cannot get off! Emotions, side effects, questions, etc...
I finally called my sister in law to congratulate her on the new little one on its way. I had to leave a message, which was probably better as I may have broken down and cried. I felt like I was overcoming those feelings of jealousy, anger at my body, and frustration. When I got back to church (this was a Wednesday) to help Ben finish up for youth, I found out through the next 2 hours of 3 pregnancies here at church. WHAT???? One by one the announcements came, and one by one the tears started to flow. My best friend, Kristi, is in the choir, and was at practice. She told me of one of them. She offered to get me out of here, which I almost took her up on, but didn't. I told Ben right before he had to go speak-shouldn't have done that, but you would never know his true feelings when hearing him talk about the love of God. I was not feeling God's love right then. All I felt were the hot tears now streaming down my face. I became the girl who hides in the bathroom stall and cries her eyes out. Thankfully, when church was over, no one asked what was wrong. We left quickly, only to head to a friends house so she could give me my trigger shot (not as bad as I thought!). I spent the rest of the night and next day feeling sorry for myself. I still struggle with jealousy (i have seen 2 of the 3 pregnant girls already) and am fighting back tears. I am praying for no worship that talks about God's faithfulness, or in His time this morning. I'll update about our IUI and Ben's book (yes he is writing a book!) tomorrow!
Happy Sunday:)
I know exactly how you feel...I am also the girl who hides in the bathroom and cries. I cried throughout church last Sunday, and I couldn't even find the strength to go today. Pregnancy announcements are abundant in my life as well and I despise the angry jealousy I feel because neither of those emotions were ever really a big part of my personality. Praying for you and can't wait to hear about the book!
ReplyDeleteLots of love,
Ann