cardboard testimony

If you have not seen this, it is very moving and emotional. I saw it on Kelly's Korner blog and showed it to Ben. We both sat here with tears streaming down our face. This is what a relationship with God is about!!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvDDc5RB6FQ

staying busy

This weekend, we will be having hopefully, around 75 students for our HD Weekend! We are super excited to see what God will do during these few days! In the meantime, we are so busy trying to get ready...there are decorations that have to be put up, lights placed just right, gift baskets purchased and put together, etc...needless to say, we have been busy! But it has been fun...we are really looking forward to the weekend with these awesome students!

My most recent doc. appt. was an ok one...she was very encouraging about the upcoming surgery, telling a story, of course, of a successful one. I am trying not to get my hopes up about it, but am trusting God that it will fix our "issues". If not, she said that there is a hospital in the city that she would recommend for fertility treatments. Apparently, they have an insurance policy and if you do not get pregnant after 3 IVF's (which could be over $30,000) they will give you your money back! I am not super pumped at the price or the thought that we might have to have the money returned, but at least we could take that and put it towards adoption, if it all comes down to that.

Ben and I talked today though, and I have decided to, at least for now, trust that we will be pregnant by the time we go to Falls Creek! That is in late June and gives us plenty of time:) Of course, if we were preg. at that time, a week at Falls Creek may be brutal! I will take puking and not eating at Falls Creek (even if it is the best food on the planet) over not carrying our child!

That's all for now...have a great day:)

Crazy Love

Ben has been reading this book, "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan for a little while now. I have not had much motivation to read it before now. We had a long talk this weekend about where we are in our spiritual walks. I shared that I feel like I have been left to walk a lonely path recently. Since starting the book, he has been super excited to start ministering in our neighborhood, the area around our church, and really just everywhere. I have felt like he has kind of left me in the dust as I have not been feeling this way at all. I am in a rut. I cried. He prayed for us, and I decided to start reading "Crazy Love". All I can say it that, in the past 2 days, I have fallen more in love with Jesus than I think I have ever been! I have heard it a million times before but I just read "He has chosen to love you!" Isn't that insane??? The creator of all things cares enough to choose to love and seek after broken, selfish, unloveable me! I would recommend this book to anyone and everyone!!!

I have been so frustrated and angry with God since we started TTC. I ask why all the time...why her and not me? Why does my body not work? Is there a lesson I am missing in all of this? I think I have blamed God and therefore decided I do not need His help. We have prayed and prayed for a miracle, for God to allow us to be pg before Ben's surgery. But I think I have come to realize that Ben has been praying and BELIEVING! and I have just simply said the words "God do a miracle and I'll give you the glory" without truly thinking He would.

Well, my attitude is changing. I am realizing more and more that, at least for me, how could I expect Him to bless me with anything when I have done nothing to seek Him? I don't want to seek Him so He will give us a baby. I know that being madly in love with Him, I will still hurt each month if we are not pg, and that's ok. BUT, I want His love to so consume me that even through the tears, I can praise Him!

God, I pray that you would give me a passion for you! Give me a passion to fall more deeply in love with you!