I truly don't have time to post, but feel like things are moving so fast and if I don't write about them, I will forget!
First of all, let me just say again what a blessing it is for my husband to be on staff at the church we are at! Our pastor and his wife are some of the most amazing people I have ever encountered...we have never felt as loved as we do here! Our staff as a whole are just incredible! Everyone has their ups and downs, but at the end of the day, I think everyone can truly say how well we work together and just love each other.
Next, WE OPENED OUR NEW YOUTH BUILDING!!!! Last week was so difficult, as we were not ever home except to sleep and shower...not to mention that because I am a girl, I apparently have certain hormones that decide to keep me awake all night! By the time Wednesday rolled around, I was a big mess. Ben and I were so distant-he was doing his thing and I was doing mine...when worship started that evening, I started crying. I didn't cry out of sadness, but just thankfulness that God's presence was so real! After worship and Ben speaking, we moved into the youth building for a short time of worship...here come the tears again! It was amazing to see 10 years of planning on Ben's part, and God's faithfulness come together!!! We had our first official Sunday morning in there yesterday and I think the students loved it:)
Finally, we are still on this what seems like a never-ending journey with infertility. We did have our first IUI on October 16th...it was unsuccessful (which is probably why the water works were flowing last week-ha!) We are scheduled for an ultrasound today to make sure I do not have any new cysts growing...if all goes well, I will start round 2 of Femara, track my temp. and other fun things, then IUI #2...I am not sure what my emotions will be like if this one does not work. After failure #1, at least we have 2 more to try...now, if this one fails, we are down to one chance. Ben and I briefly talked this morning about IVF versus adoption...both are incredible expensive, and potentially heart breaking...as always, I know God is in control. He will never give us more than we can bear!!!
Monday, November 1, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
God is so good, and I am so not!
This week is very exciting! Our youth building was approved by the fire marshall, which means that, at least part of the time, our students will finally get to see, explore, and enjoy what they have been waiting so long for!!! God showed up in a big way this past Sunday. Some may say that God always shows up and maybe we were the ones to finally show...maybe so. But all I know is that felt God's presence more than ever this past Sunday. The room was thick with his love, kindness, gentleness, and mercy.
I really feel like God has some big things in the works for our sweet church. Satan knows this and has been working furiously to derail all that God has to offer. This week has been filled with heartache for so many of our friends. My heart hurts for them. I also know that it is when we are weak that HE is strong!
We are so blessed to be a part of this church and the people God has here! Our church is not perfect, as none is...but our church family comes together and rallies behind one another in a way I cannot describe!
I am so frail. I have so many weaknesses. My heart hurts. But God is not frail. He is strong, and He wants to take my pain!
My prayer for anyone who may read this is that, whatever you are going through, know that God is there. He wants you to tell Him. If you need to yell, then yell! If you need to cry, then cry. He so desperately wants to be connected to you!
I really feel like God has some big things in the works for our sweet church. Satan knows this and has been working furiously to derail all that God has to offer. This week has been filled with heartache for so many of our friends. My heart hurts for them. I also know that it is when we are weak that HE is strong!
We are so blessed to be a part of this church and the people God has here! Our church is not perfect, as none is...but our church family comes together and rallies behind one another in a way I cannot describe!
I am so frail. I have so many weaknesses. My heart hurts. But God is not frail. He is strong, and He wants to take my pain!
My prayer for anyone who may read this is that, whatever you are going through, know that God is there. He wants you to tell Him. If you need to yell, then yell! If you need to cry, then cry. He so desperately wants to be connected to you!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
it's been a while!
As I read more and more blogs, I realize that I really appreciate the outlet...it is comforting to know others understand, and get tips on things that I may not understand! I always thought a diary was so cool, but never kept up with it...I really want to keep up with this! I want this to be something I can look back and read, and be reminded of just how faithful God truly is!
Things have been so great lately! Ben and I were able to go on a cruise in September to Mexico...it was a much needed vacation! We had a BLAST and it was hard to come home to reality...although we sure did miss Barker:) I keep thinking about how much I love that silly dog and how much more I will love a real little person!
For now, life is so busy, that we do not have extended amounts of time to dwell on what we wish we had. We are so close to opening our new youth building at church, so every spare moment is spent working or planning for all that entails! We are super excited to see how God will use those metal walls to bring students to the saving knowledge of Him!!!
On another note, can anyone tell me how to upload pics here???
Thanks:)
Things have been so great lately! Ben and I were able to go on a cruise in September to Mexico...it was a much needed vacation! We had a BLAST and it was hard to come home to reality...although we sure did miss Barker:) I keep thinking about how much I love that silly dog and how much more I will love a real little person!
For now, life is so busy, that we do not have extended amounts of time to dwell on what we wish we had. We are so close to opening our new youth building at church, so every spare moment is spent working or planning for all that entails! We are super excited to see how God will use those metal walls to bring students to the saving knowledge of Him!!!
On another note, can anyone tell me how to upload pics here???
Thanks:)
Monday, April 19, 2010
A series of unfortunate events
Wow! I can't believe I am blogging again! After I "stepped in stupid", as my mom told me, I had decided not to blog anymore. After this morning, I just couldn't help myself!
You see, I babysit a little girl who is 9 months old. It has turned into a much larger "babysitting job" than originally agreed to, but because I am not big on confrontation or talking much about my thoughts (which is why I LOVE blogging), I have let it become this monster (the job not the baby:))
Anyways, her dad drops her off pretty early-7am-which is ridiculously early for me! When he brings her in today, he tells me that he changed her diaper before leaving, but on the 20 min drive to my house, she decides to make a bit of a mess in her diaper. Thinking we caught it early, I thought no big deal. Upon further review, it seems she has had a blow-out...all over her, her clothes, her carseat, etc. Now, typically, and I don't understand this, they do not pack extra clothes for her (even though I have told them this is pretty typical for her), but dad happened to have an outfit in his car-yea!!! So after he hurries off to work, I begin to change baby. I have her standing up and supporting her with one hand, while trying to get the diaper off with the other...i successfully remove the diaper (she is standing on a towel since I am not a mother and that is the best I can do for a changing table). As soon as the diaper comes off, I hear a splattering noise...turns out she decided not to pee until she could land it on my rug!!! So I pick her and the towel up and rush to the sink.
As I am traveling from living room to kitchen, I look over to see that apparently dad had stepped in the lovely red clay dirt that Oklahoma has to offer and it is all over our semi-new carpet! FREAK OUT TIME!!! Ben was with 2 students at breakfast so I was left to deal with the poop, pee, mud, and a whiny dog! After getting her cleaned, diapered and clothed again, I threw her dirty ones in the wash and went for the carpet. I think I got it out but will be borrowing a friends steam cleaner tonight!
After this, it was time for her to eat...big surprise that she had to sneeze with a mouth full of cereal! After cleaning myself up, I went to put her leftovers in the fridge, which of couse fell, broke and splattered all over the floor. When Ben called to let me know he was on his way home, I wanted to be mad at him for leaving me with the mess. When he walked in and I started my story, I could tell he was holding back his laughter...I was glad because we were both able to laugh:)
I am so thankful she is generally a good napper...going on hour4 now! Still no baby for us, but more hopeful than ever:)
You see, I babysit a little girl who is 9 months old. It has turned into a much larger "babysitting job" than originally agreed to, but because I am not big on confrontation or talking much about my thoughts (which is why I LOVE blogging), I have let it become this monster (the job not the baby:))
Anyways, her dad drops her off pretty early-7am-which is ridiculously early for me! When he brings her in today, he tells me that he changed her diaper before leaving, but on the 20 min drive to my house, she decides to make a bit of a mess in her diaper. Thinking we caught it early, I thought no big deal. Upon further review, it seems she has had a blow-out...all over her, her clothes, her carseat, etc. Now, typically, and I don't understand this, they do not pack extra clothes for her (even though I have told them this is pretty typical for her), but dad happened to have an outfit in his car-yea!!! So after he hurries off to work, I begin to change baby. I have her standing up and supporting her with one hand, while trying to get the diaper off with the other...i successfully remove the diaper (she is standing on a towel since I am not a mother and that is the best I can do for a changing table). As soon as the diaper comes off, I hear a splattering noise...turns out she decided not to pee until she could land it on my rug!!! So I pick her and the towel up and rush to the sink.
As I am traveling from living room to kitchen, I look over to see that apparently dad had stepped in the lovely red clay dirt that Oklahoma has to offer and it is all over our semi-new carpet! FREAK OUT TIME!!! Ben was with 2 students at breakfast so I was left to deal with the poop, pee, mud, and a whiny dog! After getting her cleaned, diapered and clothed again, I threw her dirty ones in the wash and went for the carpet. I think I got it out but will be borrowing a friends steam cleaner tonight!
After this, it was time for her to eat...big surprise that she had to sneeze with a mouth full of cereal! After cleaning myself up, I went to put her leftovers in the fridge, which of couse fell, broke and splattered all over the floor. When Ben called to let me know he was on his way home, I wanted to be mad at him for leaving me with the mess. When he walked in and I started my story, I could tell he was holding back his laughter...I was glad because we were both able to laugh:)
I am so thankful she is generally a good napper...going on hour4 now! Still no baby for us, but more hopeful than ever:)
Monday, February 8, 2010
cardboard testimony
If you have not seen this, it is very moving and emotional. I saw it on Kelly's Korner blog and showed it to Ben. We both sat here with tears streaming down our face. This is what a relationship with God is about!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvDDc5RB6FQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvDDc5RB6FQ
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
staying busy
This weekend, we will be having hopefully, around 75 students for our HD Weekend! We are super excited to see what God will do during these few days! In the meantime, we are so busy trying to get ready...there are decorations that have to be put up, lights placed just right, gift baskets purchased and put together, etc...needless to say, we have been busy! But it has been fun...we are really looking forward to the weekend with these awesome students!
My most recent doc. appt. was an ok one...she was very encouraging about the upcoming surgery, telling a story, of course, of a successful one. I am trying not to get my hopes up about it, but am trusting God that it will fix our "issues". If not, she said that there is a hospital in the city that she would recommend for fertility treatments. Apparently, they have an insurance policy and if you do not get pregnant after 3 IVF's (which could be over $30,000) they will give you your money back! I am not super pumped at the price or the thought that we might have to have the money returned, but at least we could take that and put it towards adoption, if it all comes down to that.
Ben and I talked today though, and I have decided to, at least for now, trust that we will be pregnant by the time we go to Falls Creek! That is in late June and gives us plenty of time:) Of course, if we were preg. at that time, a week at Falls Creek may be brutal! I will take puking and not eating at Falls Creek (even if it is the best food on the planet) over not carrying our child!
That's all for now...have a great day:)
My most recent doc. appt. was an ok one...she was very encouraging about the upcoming surgery, telling a story, of course, of a successful one. I am trying not to get my hopes up about it, but am trusting God that it will fix our "issues". If not, she said that there is a hospital in the city that she would recommend for fertility treatments. Apparently, they have an insurance policy and if you do not get pregnant after 3 IVF's (which could be over $30,000) they will give you your money back! I am not super pumped at the price or the thought that we might have to have the money returned, but at least we could take that and put it towards adoption, if it all comes down to that.
Ben and I talked today though, and I have decided to, at least for now, trust that we will be pregnant by the time we go to Falls Creek! That is in late June and gives us plenty of time:) Of course, if we were preg. at that time, a week at Falls Creek may be brutal! I will take puking and not eating at Falls Creek (even if it is the best food on the planet) over not carrying our child!
That's all for now...have a great day:)
Monday, February 1, 2010
Crazy Love
Ben has been reading this book, "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan for a little while now. I have not had much motivation to read it before now. We had a long talk this weekend about where we are in our spiritual walks. I shared that I feel like I have been left to walk a lonely path recently. Since starting the book, he has been super excited to start ministering in our neighborhood, the area around our church, and really just everywhere. I have felt like he has kind of left me in the dust as I have not been feeling this way at all. I am in a rut. I cried. He prayed for us, and I decided to start reading "Crazy Love". All I can say it that, in the past 2 days, I have fallen more in love with Jesus than I think I have ever been! I have heard it a million times before but I just read "He has chosen to love you!" Isn't that insane??? The creator of all things cares enough to choose to love and seek after broken, selfish, unloveable me! I would recommend this book to anyone and everyone!!!
I have been so frustrated and angry with God since we started TTC. I ask why all the time...why her and not me? Why does my body not work? Is there a lesson I am missing in all of this? I think I have blamed God and therefore decided I do not need His help. We have prayed and prayed for a miracle, for God to allow us to be pg before Ben's surgery. But I think I have come to realize that Ben has been praying and BELIEVING! and I have just simply said the words "God do a miracle and I'll give you the glory" without truly thinking He would.
Well, my attitude is changing. I am realizing more and more that, at least for me, how could I expect Him to bless me with anything when I have done nothing to seek Him? I don't want to seek Him so He will give us a baby. I know that being madly in love with Him, I will still hurt each month if we are not pg, and that's ok. BUT, I want His love to so consume me that even through the tears, I can praise Him!
God, I pray that you would give me a passion for you! Give me a passion to fall more deeply in love with you!
I have been so frustrated and angry with God since we started TTC. I ask why all the time...why her and not me? Why does my body not work? Is there a lesson I am missing in all of this? I think I have blamed God and therefore decided I do not need His help. We have prayed and prayed for a miracle, for God to allow us to be pg before Ben's surgery. But I think I have come to realize that Ben has been praying and BELIEVING! and I have just simply said the words "God do a miracle and I'll give you the glory" without truly thinking He would.
Well, my attitude is changing. I am realizing more and more that, at least for me, how could I expect Him to bless me with anything when I have done nothing to seek Him? I don't want to seek Him so He will give us a baby. I know that being madly in love with Him, I will still hurt each month if we are not pg, and that's ok. BUT, I want His love to so consume me that even through the tears, I can praise Him!
God, I pray that you would give me a passion for you! Give me a passion to fall more deeply in love with you!
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