Ben has been reading this book, "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan for a little while now. I have not had much motivation to read it before now. We had a long talk this weekend about where we are in our spiritual walks. I shared that I feel like I have been left to walk a lonely path recently. Since starting the book, he has been super excited to start ministering in our neighborhood, the area around our church, and really just everywhere. I have felt like he has kind of left me in the dust as I have not been feeling this way at all. I am in a rut. I cried. He prayed for us, and I decided to start reading "Crazy Love". All I can say it that, in the past 2 days, I have fallen more in love with Jesus than I think I have ever been! I have heard it a million times before but I just read "He has chosen to love you!" Isn't that insane??? The creator of all things cares enough to choose to love and seek after broken, selfish, unloveable me! I would recommend this book to anyone and everyone!!!
I have been so frustrated and angry with God since we started TTC. I ask why all the time...why her and not me? Why does my body not work? Is there a lesson I am missing in all of this? I think I have blamed God and therefore decided I do not need His help. We have prayed and prayed for a miracle, for God to allow us to be pg before Ben's surgery. But I think I have come to realize that Ben has been praying and BELIEVING! and I have just simply said the words "God do a miracle and I'll give you the glory" without truly thinking He would.
Well, my attitude is changing. I am realizing more and more that, at least for me, how could I expect Him to bless me with anything when I have done nothing to seek Him? I don't want to seek Him so He will give us a baby. I know that being madly in love with Him, I will still hurt each month if we are not pg, and that's ok. BUT, I want His love to so consume me that even through the tears, I can praise Him!
God, I pray that you would give me a passion for you! Give me a passion to fall more deeply in love with you!
Elizabeth,
ReplyDeleteHello :) So happy that you found my blog and thank you for the thoughtful comments. I wish you weren't part of this "sorority", but know that we will surround you with love and support as long as you need it.
For me, this journey has challenged every aspect of my life. My spiritual connection has been strengthened as a result of my loss and I've been graced in so many ways. Yes, the road is long and often you feel as if you are walking alone. But, you are not, as "he" is always at your side. Allow "him" to direct your steps...I remind myself of this often.
I look forward to journeying with you :) May God's Grace continue to shine on you, and may you always keep your eye on the PRIZE.
*HUGS*
Andrea
persuitofourfairytale.blogspot.com