Christmas Christmas time is here!!!

Merry Christmas Eve eve!!! I so love this time of year. I love the fact that our families live close enough to each other that we get to see both on Christmas day (but far enough that Ben and I get to spend a few hours together-JUST US!!!) We got to Texas on Tuesday evening and didn't do much except watch a movie that I had given Ben for Christmas. On Wednesday, we ate lunch with my bro, then my sister, dad, and I went to see the Nutcracker! It was super special because he used to take us when we were little girls! I have been asking Ben to take me, so I think he was especially excited that he got out of it-haha! After the show, we picked up Elliot and Chloe (my sweet, sweet niece and nephew) and they spent the night with us! There is nothing sweeter that waking up to those smiling faces and hugs! We took them to the mall, where we met up with my other bro. and nephew, and took the babies for rides on the carousel they have...they had a blast!

Tonight we ate dinner at my aunt Dee's. This has been a tradition around Christmas time for as long as I can remember. She began these dinners as a way to give my mom a break from cooking for a family of 6...it is always so great to be with everyone! I don't know if it was exhaustion, the fact that I had been with my sweet niece and nephew all day, or the 2 negative (but early) pregnancy tests, but just before dessert, the tears were flowing. I felt so embarrassed that I could not pull myself together. My oldest bro finally came over and started making jokes about something I cannot remember, but I was so thankful. I was finally able to compose myself, but not before everyone knew that my eyes were now a puffy mess.

I really thought this time was it! Everything was right according to the doctor. We had it planned how we would tell everyone, and I even thought some symptoms I typically have by now before starting, were not there. My temp still looked good, etc. I'm so empty inside. We told many friends and family before our last IUI and asked for their prayers. Now we have to go back and tell everyone that it was just not God's timing. I see my brothers and sisters-in-law with my nieces and nephews and I want it so badly. I don't think I will ever understand couples who never want children. There is nothing wrong with that AT ALL, I just personally cannot understand.

We will test one more time tomorrow, just to make sure. I really have no hope, but Ben thinks we should just in case. I don't even want to look. I already know that there will be that one single and lonely line staring up at me. Both of our daddies said we would be pregnant by Christmas...I guess it just wasn't this one.