Usually Chick-fil-a is a place filled with yummy chicken, sweet and spicy sauces, and big smiles on our faces. Today, however, it was just filled with sadness, at least for me.
As we sat at our normal high top table, (Lillian, the baby I babysit, next to me), I looked out the window, only to see this cute pregnant lady walking into the restaurant. Now if I had seen this during the two week wait, I would have thought, "Oh, I wonder where she go that cute top?" or "My belly may be that round in a few months!". Instead, I cried. Ben said I should write about my feelings. I feel silly writing this because if there is an other infertile reading this, you have probably done the same thing. I feel repetitive. Month after month, I cry, I get angry, I get sad, I feel jealous, and then I move on for a while.
I think today was especially difficult because just since Monday, I have had 6, yes 6! people announce their pregnancy. These are not strangers, but people I know and am truly happy for! I always feel like just a jerk being so upset and crying when I find these things out, but for those who know me, you know that they are both tears of joy for you and also tears of longing for me.
I hope today's experience does not cause me to avoid Chick-fil-a, as I really do love their food! Here's wishing all you soon-to-be-mommies a super easy, healthy pregnance with the most awesome bundle of joy in 8 or 9 months!!! And to the infertiles, don't give up! Easier said than done, I know.
Ugh, I feel you completely. That often happened to me, and it was particularly hard in the first few years especially. Don't feel bad girl, if you didn't then you don't really want it. I've had a couple of incidents in movie theaters that were rather embarassing for my hubby. Hang in there :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your congratulations to us! A blog I read and really enjoy is "Kelly's Korner" (http://www.kellyskornerblog.com/). If you haven't heard of it, it's by a woman named Kelly who struggled with infertility for a very long time and then had a miracle baby who she almost lost, but is now fine. She's really inspirational and I know she also has a prayer community blog a lot of infertile Moms-to-be post their requests and such on. I just thought I'd share it with you.
ReplyDeleteStumbled on your blog from Busted Kate and I just wanted to say that you are most definitely not alone in feeling the way you do about pregnant women and a flurry of pregnancy announcements. I feel so sad to have been robbed of the initial joy I so desperately want to feel for these friends, co-workers, acquaintances, etc. Instead these feelings are replaced with half-hearted congrats and a bitterness in my heart. I pray that God will help us find peace through these times and not let our own feelings get in the way of truly celebrating other pregnancies! After all, they could have been through their own struggle too, right? Everyone has their story and we will have our happy ending - one day! Hope you don't mind me following your journey!
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